in the midst of all my wtc-related "anti-american" ramblings, i thought i'd take a little time-out to discuss this most american of holidays...THANKSGIVING.

now, superficially speaking, thanksgiving kicks ass, doesn't it? i mean, none but the stark raving mad among us could argue with the establishment of a day (or a four-day week-end, to be precise) devoted entirely to eating till you puke and drinking till you...errmm...puke as well (or pass out, whichever come first) back home, this sort of gluttony had to be relegated to christmas eve and easter alone...well, those and the occasional martha stewart outbursts my grandmothers were so prone to having. but even still, there were never any 40-pound turkeys involved, no parades of gi-normous balloons...in other words, nothing QUITE worthy of an adam sandler ditty. yes, when you take it from a party-hearty perspective, america really has its head in the right place with its traditional thanksgiving celebration.
the thing is, nobody ever stops to think WHAT exactly it is they're celebrating when they're scarfing down that 4th helping of mom's famous turkey stuffing, now DO they? oh, sure, they THINK they know what the holiday's all about...hell, ask any american pre-schooler and they'll no doubt regale you with 3 hours worth of rot about thanking god for all our blessings and OF COURSE the story of how the pilgrims and the indians came together in peace to eat and celebrate on the first thanksgiving back in the 17th century. hmm...the pilgrims and indians, eh? coming together in peace, eh? here's where the problem comes in. (ah, come now...you KNEW i had to have SOME problem, didn't you?)
now don't get me wrong, i don't blame the average american for fantasising and romanticising their own images of peace, brotherhood, and prosperity on the first thanksgiving. it's how it was taught them, and that's enough reason for most people to believe ANYTHING. and for those who DO have a tendency to think outside the box, i can't blame THEM for reverting to the traditional image, either. i mean, it sure as fuck's better than the reality. and what IS the reality, you ask? hmm...well, i'm glad you brought that up, my friend. let's talk, shall we...?

i do not doubt a whole heck of a lot of eating went on in plymouth rock back in the day. nor do i doubt half of the group participating in the gorge-fest was indeed having a happy celebration. but i'm also fairly certain for the OTHER half of the group it was more of an "eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die"-type situation than an actual party. care to guess who the latter lot might be? if you said the indians, you get a gold star.
if you are american and/or live in the usa as i do, you might've noticed that despite their pc title of "native americans", there aren't a whole lot of indians about in this country. in fact, i once actually went up to plymouth rock and my whole time there did not see even ONE. now, you just gotta wonder how all this came to be. i'm in america, ain't i? so where the FUCK are all the native americans? answer : most of the original population was done away with...especially here on the east coast. and WHO was responsible for all this, you ask? why, their best mates the pilgrims, who else? the ones with whom they had that BIG HAPPY PEACEFUL MEAL on the occasion of the first thanksgiving. see, just like your rowdy cousins that sorta just invite themselves over to your house for free food on thanksgiving, the pilgrims stormed onto the indians' territory unannounced, and sorta like your peace-loving, pie-baking mother, the indians laid out a spread for them anyway. but again, just like your cousins, the pilgrims weren't content to eat and run, and chose instead to stay on a bit and wreak some havoc. unfortunately, while the unwelcome relations will at worst drain your liquor cabinet and beat the bejaysis out of each other till you call the police and have them removed, the pilgrims took holiday havoc-wreaking to a totally different level. and here's where they start bearing a far more striking resemblence to osama bin laden than cousin billy the aa dropout.

yes, i did just say osama bin laden, but no, i haven't gone back to bitching about the wtc. this is still very much about thanksgiving. but there IS a big connection between the two that i think is worth pointing out to you.
large-scale terrorism on american soil and bioterrorist attacks. these things have become all too familiar in the usa lately, and i'm sure no matter WHO you are, they're also casting a bit of a dark shadow on your holiday celebrations this year. but don't let them. you mightn't realise it yet, but they're making thanksgiving this year all that much more authentic. think of it as a big ol' thanksgiving play...and YOU get to be the indians. some of yours have already been senselessly slaughtered. some of theirs had already been senselessly slaughtered. you have hanging over your heads the threat of war on home soil. so did they. you have anthrax-laden letters circulating in the post. they had smallpox-laden blankets being passed out to their families. so taking all that into consideration, might you be able to answer for me now what the hell it is thanksgiving is really celebrating? cos it looks to ME to be a commemoration of the first ever terrorist attack in north america.

that's about all you're gonna hear from me about that. just wanted to give you a little something to think about whilst carving the bird on thursday...this should do the trick. :)
happy turkey day, all...

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