DUCK, MUTHAFUCKA!
all in all, i prefer december.

or should i say summer IN NEW YORK sucks? yeah. i should.
now i COULD talk about how stiflingly hot it gets here. but i won't.
i COULD talk about the immense, man-eating, disease-carrying chiggers flying all over the place and the killer bug spray they're dropping on us all to get rid of them. i will, but not right this second.
i could even tlk about how mindbogglingly NAAAASHTY it is to sit by the window in the starbucks on fordham road and watch 400-lb welfare mamas strut by in dazzy duks and backless t-shirts. but i won't.

what i WILL talk about is how americans, specifically new yorkers, view the summer holidays. for those of you that DON'T know (i.e. : have never been to new york) these people compete over just about everything imaginable : what schools they went to, what schools their kids go to, what kind of cars they drive, how chichi their addresses are, what country their maids come from...(the list goes on and on...i'll stop here)...and of course, where they go for their summer holiday, when they go, and for how long. to me, this is about as mindboggling as why in the hell anyone would make dazzy duks in a size 26. the point of holliers is to enjoy YOURSELF...right...? yeah RIGHT. not for these folks it ain't.

lemme tell you about something i read in the new york times the end of august that might give you some insight into how bloody warped and infantile new yorkers can get when it comes to vacation plans. before i do, though, let me just tell you i was ABOUT to write a rant directed at the department editor and the moronic boob of a writer (otherwise known as a NASTY LETTER) and send it on down to headquarters when i realised if i did, it probably wouldn't be published, and on top of it all i'd be exposed for the foreigner i am and next thing i know the ins would be at my door to get me as far away from these innocent uptight snobs as they could. so i figured i'd do it this way instead. see, the article was about those of us poor saps that happen to be in the city the last week of august, and what complete and utter LOSERS we all are. (and he even used that term) i laughed it off at first, as i realised how totally ridiculous this was; i was here, and having been gone the entire rest of the month home to ireland, i sure as hell wasn't a destinationless loser. but when i read on and got to thinking, i found he wasn't too far off on HIMSELF at all. he wasn't a loser for being here, he was an immense ass-licking TOSSER for giving a crap. i mean, how bloody SAD does your life have to be if you're 40 years old and you're still moping about like an insecure pre-teen whining, 'oh god, i'm not just like everyone else. i'm different. they're gonna think i'm SUCH a GEEK!' jesus h christ. if you can't grow the fuck up, then at least try being a little politically-correct there, fella. try thinking about us underpriveleged people, the ones that WORK and have to take time off as boss man wants to give it to us and don't really give a damn WHEN we get our holiday so long as we GET IT. we savour whatever time off we get and don't worry about what the crowd at the country club thinks of us. and you know why? COS THE CROWD AT THE COUNTRY CLUB DOESN'T KNOW WHO THE FECK WE ARE! cos we don't BLEONG to any stinkin' country club. cos we WORK too damned hard to be bothered.

new york is like one big bloody prep school. everyone's worried about being part of the in-crowd cos they haven't anything better to think about. they're idle, they're wealthy (or if they,re not, they live like they are so as not to embarrass themselves and end up declaring bankruptcy every other year due to the accumulating gold card bills), they're ignorant, and they are COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT. their number one priority is to preserve their image in the eyes of their neighbours. and THAT my friends is PATHETIC. what's even MORE pathetic, though, is the number of people i associate with that are really letting these pretentious morons get to them. they're wondering if their lives just aren't fancy and exciting enough, and they're wondering would it make them look better in the eyes of the 'public' (whoever they are) if they forefeitted this year's trip home to see their families for a cruise to the bahamas. soulless? sure. but that's newyorkification for you.

and where do I stand in all of this? simple. i don't. i just rant about it till it goes away....
 

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