new york university: i support the ray-ban theory...higher price HAS TO = better quality.

fordham university: i believe in the ray-ban theory, but was rejected by nyu and/or am trying to set the world record for number of years spent in catholic school. columbia university: i'm a pretentious ivy bastard, but since i'm jewish, none of the waspy ivies would have me. city university of new york: i spend so much money on items from the body shop, this is the only school i can afford. yeshiva university: i am one with my jewishness. cooper union: i'm weird. but i'm so brilliant i don't have to pay tuition so HA!

fashion institute of technology: i'll be working in mickey d's alongside that guy from tisch.

school of visual arts: i'm weird, but not weird enough to get into cooper union.

cornell medical school: i have friends in high places, but little or no interest in medicine.

mount sinai school of medicine: i was rejected by columbia p & s.

marymount manhattan: i'm a half-witted coke-sniffing debutante or wish to knock one up.


fordham university, rose hill: la di da di, i like to party. a lot. and drink.

albert einstein college of medicine: i'm a pretentious ivy-wannabe geek who lists my address as 'morris park, ny' to avoid saying i live in the bronx.


manhattan college: i hold my liquor a hell of a lot better than those illiterates from fordham!

college of mount st vincent: my goal in this life is to become a nursing nun.


st johns university: aka the fordham of queens



iona college: duuuuuuhhhhh! want beer.....NOW!!!!!

concordia college: i'm an affluent, lutheran alcoholic, far too good for the likes of all those middle-class irish alcoholics at fordham and manhattan and iona.

pace university: i want to be a hairdresser and/or an auto mechanic....or just look like one.

sarah lawrence college: i was rejected by wellesley.

manhattanville college: i was rejected by sarah lawrence and i was too stupid to even be bothered applying to wellesley.

college of new rochelle: i want to be a nun sometime in the future, but right now i just want to SHAG, baby!

new york medical college: i couldn't get into a real medical school.


marymount college: i'm a naive debutante or a man who wishes to corrupt one.