MANHATTAN
new york university: i support the ray-ban theory...higher
price HAS TO = better quality.
- school of education: i can't decide whether i want to
be a teacher or a nurse...and now i won't have to!
- law school: legal aid here i come!
- medical school: i wanna perform hideous, unspeakable
experiments on innocent residentially-impaired people.
- tisch school of the arts: i'm headed for a long,
prosperous career in the fast-food industry.
- stern school of business: y.i.t.. - yuppie in
training.
- gallatin individualized: i'm a neo-beat & totally
lacking in direction.
fordham university: i
believe in the ray-ban theory, but was rejected by nyu and/or am trying to set
the world record for number of years spent in catholic school.
- college at lincoln centre: i'm not a new yorker, but i
play one on tv.
- law school: i'm a drunken frat boy looking to make
megabucks without giving up my drunken frat boy lifestyle.
- graduate school of education: i was rejected by fordham
law school and/or columbia teachers' college.
columbia university: i'm a pretentious ivy bastard, but since i'm
jewish, none of the waspy ivies would have me.
- teachers' college: i am brilliant but very, very
anti-social. i have lots of cats and at least as many twisted sexual
habits.
- college of physicians and surgeons: i'm smart, but i
have no life and spend my rare free moments stalking women i met on the
net.
- columbia college: i am a directionless, pretentious ivy
bastard.
- barnard college: i am a directionless, pretentious, ivy
coke-sniffing debutante.
city university of
new york: i spend so much money on items from the body shop, this is the only
school i can afford.
- hunter college: i am a foreign-born asian
woman/rampantly gay man who much prefers shopping at banana republic
to....errrmmm....studying.
- baruch college: i was rejected by hunter.
- city college: i'm liberal and to prove it, i go to
school in one of the worst neighbourhoods in the city. and in new york, that's
really saying something.
yeshiva university:
i am one with my jewishness.
- stern college for women: i was rejected by the
matchmaker.
- cardozo school of law: i reeeeeeally want to work for
legal aid.
- yeshiva university: i want to be a rabbi.
cooper union: i'm weird. but i'm so brilliant i
don't have to pay tuition so HA!
fashion institute of technology: i'll be working in mickey
d's alongside that guy from tisch.
school of visual arts: i'm weird, but not weird enough to
get into cooper union.
cornell medical school: i have friends in high places, but
little or no interest in medicine.
mount sinai school of medicine: i was rejected by columbia
p & s.
marymount manhattan: i'm a half-witted coke-sniffing
debutante or wish to knock one up.
BRONX
fordham university, rose hill: la di da di, i like to
party. a lot. and drink.
albert einstein college of medicine: i'm a pretentious
ivy-wannabe geek who lists my address as 'morris park, ny' to avoid saying i
live in the bronx.
CUNY:
- lehman college: i was rejected by all the other schools
i applied to, and i'm too cheap to go to fordham.
- bronx community college: i was rejected by lehman,
mainly cos i can't read.
- hostos community college: no hablo ingles.
manhattan college: i hold my liquor a hell of a lot
better than those illiterates from fordham!
college of mount st vincent: my goal in this life is to become a
nursing nun.
QUEENS
st johns university: aka the fordham of queens
- st johns college: i don't hold my liquor as well as the illiterates from
fordham, but i sure do have better hair.
- school of law: i want to go to law school but manhattan scares me.
- college of pharmacy: i was rejected by every med school i applied to, so i
gave up.
CUNY:
- queens college: i was sold on the fact that jerry seinfeld went here.
- queensborough community college: i think i'm better than the gang at bronx
community, but don't let the attitude fool you. i'm still an
illiterate./li>
WESTCHESTER
iona college: duuuuuuhhhhh!.....me want beer.....NOW!!!!!
concordia college: i'm an affluent, lutheran alcoholic, far too good for the
likes of all those middle-class irish alcoholics at fordham and manhattan and
iona.
pace university: i want to be a hairdresser and/or an auto mechanic....or
just look like one.
sarah lawrence college: i was rejected by wellesley.
manhattanville college: i was rejected by sarah lawrence and i was too stupid
to even be bothered applying to wellesley.
college of new rochelle: i want to be a nun sometime in the future, but right
now i just want to SHAG, baby!
new york medical college: i couldn't get into a real medical school.
SUNY:
- westchester community college: i'm an affluent illiterate.
- purchase college: i think i'm as weird as the lot from cooper, tisch, and
visual arts, but my fear of manhattan precludes anyone believing so.
marymount college: i'm a naive debutante or a man who wishes to
corrupt one.
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