i'll hit you baby one more time...
if you don't know who this is, you should be beaten with a blunt object.
i got yer diva right here.
no, she didn't sing. but did she HAVE to?

WHY is it that...

...britney frickin' spears ios still here? has NOBODY on this whole goddamn planet besides my good self yet realised that she - a) is about as sexy as the bloody olsen twins? (and that is to say NOT AT ALL...though paedophilia is quite the in thing nowadays, eh...? perverts.) she's nothing more than an oversized, loud, possibly sluttier, but alive version of jon benet ramsey. no disrespect intended. b) has not produced an original song since 'baby one more time'? (as incidentally, every song she's released SINCE then has been 'baby one more time' with a coupla words switched around) c) can NOT pull off red leather??? shit, man. i'm not saying jane fonda could, either, but come ON....

...diana ross is back? has NOBODY on this goddamn planet besides my good self yet realised that SHE - a) died in 1978? b) was the UGLY supreme? c) is beginning more and more to resemble a (bad) cross between michael jackson and sideshow bob? d) can not pull off pink leather any better than britney can pull off red leather???

...celine dion doesn't just pack up her emaciated little arse and go the fuck back to the yukon territory or wherever the hell it is she came from? or at least start wearing skin-tight leather like a REAL diva? she can't sing, and to make matters worse, when compared with the others, SHE BO-RING! ;)

...DIVA is now the word of the day? last time i checked, diva was a drag-queen word, not to be utilised even in jest by any straight man or real woman. but NOW...britney's a diva, celine's a diva, diana's a diva, patti la belle, shania twain, and aretha franklin are all divas. shit. i think I'M gonna proclaim myself a diva. i feel so terribly left-out. and come to think of it....WHO'S STOPPING ME???

....hmmm...in the same vein, you just gotta wonder who decides who is and isn't a diva? could it be....THE DIVAS THEMSELVES??? of COURSE! i mean, look at them. what other deluded soul would bestow such a high honour on these semi-talented banshees? not me, that's for goddamn sure. when they ask me, i'll be voting for macey gray. as for the others, you know what they say, ladies...SELF PRAISE IS NO PRAISE!

...and lastly, there's whitney houston. poor, stoned-to-the-fuckin-gills whitney houston. it's sad, actually, cos she can kindasorta sing. and those drug bats of hers have done nothing except open a totally undeserved door of opportunity to pseudodiva-hack faith hell....errrrmm....i mean HILL (heh)...who most certainly wouldn't've gotten a chance like that otherwise. poor, poor whitney....

so much for the divas. i'm all diva-ed out. errmmm...viva la diva!