who am i? i have no idea. perhaps i should ask my computer.

did you ever wonder who you REALLY are? if you're SANE? ATTRACTIVE? WORTHY? well i did. but instead of sitting around with my finger up my nose the way the REST of ye do, i decided just shut it here and present you with some of the best self-evaluation tools known to mankind (okaaaay...this is a bit of an overstatement, but they ARE good for killing time) and see what i got out of 'em.

colorgenics personality profile generatori do not know how the FUCK they do this. by the order in which you click a load of coloured cubes, this thing can tell you EVERYTHING...good and bad...about your personality. it had me so well pegged, i forced some other people to take it to see if it'd have THEM as well figured. and lo and behold it did. creepy.the results
how much are you worth? find out how much you'd go for if they were to...ah, i dunno...RE-LEGALISE SLAVE LABOUR? i'm worth $2,626,130.00.

the deathkiddy test

find out how murderous and insane you are. if you're anything like me, your results should come as no surprise.
60%-70% (Trench Coat Mafia) Angry, venemous, vitriolic, hurt and mentally unhinged. You know where dad keeps the guns and the list of those who're going to get it is not only long, but half the names have already been crossed off. Not to be fucked with.
what religion should you join? probably the most accurate test on this list, it tells you what churches you're most compatable with according to your existing philosophies. the results (and my reactions to them) i posted on fuck-you.org. go see 'em.
how ghetto is you?big fuckin' surprise. i'm not ghetto. at all. but that's cos i CAN'T be. guys with brogues who try to come across ghetto usually just end up making incredible asses of themselves. don't believe me? visit woodlawn.I am 0-20% Ghetto
which evil criminal are you? mwahahaha! this is funny...
"Congratulations, you're Henry Kissinger! Widely viewed as an unindicted terrorist, only Pol Pot rivals you for being responsible for the most deaths of innocent people in South East Asia. You, in collaboration with the Nixon administration, helped put General Pinochet in power and kill Salvador Allende. You also helped coordinate the secret bombing of Cambodia. And despite all that, you won a Nobel Peace Prize - for your work in Vietnam. If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you are a murderous bastard with the following fine graphic"
(thankyou, i think i will)
do you have a personality disorder? online psychoanalysis. this claims to be legit, but i ain't too sure. i mean, it IS psychology... my results, posted on fuck-you.org.
the spark the online test mecca. i can't be arsed listing them here ; there are waaay too many.
what "alice in wonderland" character are you? watch me be totally unsurprised at these results. i think if i had a penny for every time i was compared to the cheshire cat i'd be independently wealthy by now. The Cheshire Cat
You're the epitome of insane. Either you're very smart, or you're too damn stupid. The world is your playground, and everything -- and everyone -- in it is a toy for you to play with. People should be scared of you, but because you're so affable, they aren't. Tough for them.
the transformers personality test at android5.comremember the transformers? probably not. well, at any rate, this test will tell you which one you're most like.If I was an Autobot, I'd be:
Click to see what Autobot you could be!

james bond villain personality testseeing as while everyone ELSE my age was watching transformers, i was memorising the lines to old james bond films, this one made a hell of a lot more sense to me than the last. it's also fairly accurate.la la la la la la la la la!
If I were a James Bond villain, I would be Karl Stromberg.

I enjoy marine biology, delusions of godhood, and wiping out the entire human race.

I am played by Curd Jürgens in The Spy Who Loved Me.

what corporate mascot are you?errmm...shut up. my sugar coating fools a LOT of people...
am i hot or not? the legendary "hot or not". i was very, very happy/surprised with how this turned out, but i'm still just as p.o.'d at the tossers that voted me a "1" as i am freakin' amazed at the people that voted me a "10" (they actually give you a breakdown of the votes, and this has a tendency to make you slightly paranoid).
note : all my mates have done this one, and let me warn you now, girls do not fare anywhere NEAR as well as guys do on this, though they ARE allowed a good 1000 more votes.
my low score was still FAR better than i'd expected, but nowhere near the glory of my high score, which proves my theory that the best way to raise your score on this is to step just far enough away from the camera so they can barely see your face, and start taking off clothes.

(seeing as most of my friends and i became slightly addicted to this for a bit and i think too fuckin' much, i have developed a theory on hotornot scoring i thought i might share with the group.

the ultimate purity test very VERY long, but funny as all hell, and leaves no stone unturned. so what if i can't bloody stand the guy that put it together? i am 49.10% pure. sounds pretty fair till they tell you the average score is somewhere around 75%...
what robot are you? i still don't totally get this, but perhaps you will... Click here to find out what robot you really are
what "rocky horror" character are you? this makes little or no sense if you've never seen "rocky horror".
what "shock treatment" character are you? if you've never seen "rocky horror" there's a good chance you haven't seen this one either. ah well...
am i this or not? find out random things about yourself...things no-one but you (or your stupid friends) would ever think to make a test about.
once your mates get their grubby paws on this, you'll think you died and went to in-joke hell.
i don't even know how many stupid categories people have posted my pic to on here. it's a bloody disaster.
what online test are you?you knew someone was going to have to think this one up sooner or later.[If I were an online test, I would be How British Are You?]
the brit quizafter posting the last one, this one was a bit of an obligation. and what can i say about the results? well...BOTH sides of my family are turning in their graves. ;)

I am 75% British, just like
Michael Caine
"Though you know your way around London you are most likely to retire to the West Coast of the USA."