families...who needs 'em?

i'd be the first to admit i love my brothers and sisters like...well...brothers and sisters, even if there WERE upwards of 30 of 'em at last count ;) families can be great...if you get the right ones. but this world is full of complete tossers. no doubt you're gonna be related to SOME of 'em. it's not your fault, it just happens, especially if your family multiplies as fast as mine does. you might be lucky enough that none of those complete and utter tossers are your brothers and sisters, but you're not gonna escape without at lest one of 'em being your aunt, uncle, or cousin. that's the breaks, kid...and if you think that's bad, it gets worse...

see, normally you can AVOID losers. but if they're relations, there's a problem, as some unwritten law dictates that no matter what sort of offensive morons they are, we have to socialise with and (pretend to) like our families. that totally blows. maybe you've never thought about it before, but it DOES, doesn't it? i'm not saying that i'd personally avoid my entire family tree if given the chance...my cousins patrick, jere, chris, shamie, eoin...they're some of my best friends...but i see it like this. i'd hang with them regardless. being their cousin just made MEETING them all that much easier. but let's take a moment to talk about the OTHER ones...the ones that ARE, alas and alack, complete and utter assholes. you can't live with 'em, you can't kill 'em. all you CAN do is ignore them and pray to hell they take the hint and go the fuck away. which thdey usually don't. they latch onto you instead, leeching off you like some sort of...well...leeches. i don't like naming names and pointing fingers, but i think i will, just this once ;)

i've got this load of cousins who are, quite honestly, the LAZIEST PIECES OF EXCREMENT EVER TO WALK THE FACE OF THIS EARTH! none of them can sustain a relationship, sexual, family, or otherwise, for more than a year, and half of them don't (and don't particularly care to) work. they don't go to school, they don't have jobs and they DON'T pay their way. so who does? their parents, mostly (this i can go along with as it was their eejit parents that made them this way in the first place), but they've also been known to elicit aid from other sources...namely their grandmother, MY parents, and as of late, my siblings and i (those that live in the states...we're more accessable) now i have a bit of a problem. i tend to be kind to a fault.but this problem doesn't often get in the way when it comes to my favourite auntie's brood. they're totally unpitiable. my brother, sister, and i have often spoken of how wonderful it would be to get rid of them for good...AND how truly easy it would be, just to lose touch with them. but we can't do that. we'd upset the rest of the family, and that just IS NOT AN OPTION.

i don't think any of us would MIND all that much if these were at least loveable, ass-kissing moochers, but that they're not. they tend more toward the drunken, ignorant, violent irish-american stereotype we know all too well. if they know nothing else, they know how much we HAVE to take from them, just cos we HAVE TO. they're barely literate, but they DO know what family's for...HAND OUTS. and whipping boys. so here's my main question....we know we HAVE TO put up with all their shit, but do we know WHY? WHY are behaviours that would earn a stranger or even a good friend a belt in the gob (at the LEAST) perfectly acceptable and even EXPECTED from relations??? WHY in a soiety that otherwise doesn't know the meaning of the phrase 'turn the other cheek' are we encouraged to keep a ridiculously close relationship with our families, even if that means cheerfully accepting abuse from them, rolling with the punches, possibly into oncoming traffic (lorries, vans, hell, fuckin' 18 WHEELERS driven by...your STINKIN' COUSINS!)?

yeah...ahem...anyway...i think i've pretty much established that families, mine in particular, SUCK. now, let's go one step further. you work hard, no doubt, like me. so yet again, i'll use myself as an example. i work constantly, and i occasionally land an acting job. when my holidays roll aaround, i'm usually beyond knackered. my cousins, however, who haven't been inside a classroom sincethey were about 10 and haven't held a job for a week between the lot of 'em, are NOT. whether i choose to stay stateside or go home, i just want to be left the hell alone. but there's always at least one of THEM about and they're always ready for a fight. which brings me to my NEXT question...WHO the devil got the idea we all have to spend all our holidays with our families? even the ones we can't stand the sight of? and why is it the bigger the holiday the more imperative it is that EVERYONE be TOGETHER? i mean, look at christmas. biggest freakin' holiday of the year. on the UP side, it's time to veg out, eat too much, drink WAAAY too much ,and get presents. on the DOWN side, it's time to go broke buying overpriced shit for people you barely know and STILL can't stand, get into drunken brawls with said people, while your scrumptious dinner goes cold, and have absolutely noplace to go to escape the melee?? when put that way, it sorta makes you wanna go to work and stay there forever, eh...? grrr....maybe some things...like THIS...are better left unanalysed.

i'm off to take a tranquiliser now...