you know what really pisses me off? i mean REALLY boils my blood? girls like the one i'm looking at right now, as i write this, sitting at the next table in this deli, eating 'lunch'. WHY? you might ask. well, i'll tell you why. she's sitting over there, at noon, at LUNCH time, eating a fucking salad. and not a big one either. it's from one of those LITTLE plastic salad containers, the ones you usually use when you spent today's lunch money last night at the pub and are now eating off whatever you could pull from the sofa cushions this morning. see, this is what confuses the shit outta me about americans, especially the women. this death-pale, bleached-blond, waspy she-yank weighs all of about 85 pounds soaking wet and she's starving herself. WHY? she isn't wearing a wedding ring. i suppose she thinks she's still alone because she's a fat, slobbering pig. little does she realise, it's actually cos she makes ally mcbeal look like the stay-puff marshmallow man and seeing her naked would probably make the average man puke, go blind or both.

salad is not a meal, my twisted sista. look at the chick next to you, the one in the tight jeans and the leather jacket, the irish one with the freckles and the voluptuous curves. the one eating the fried chicken and the onion rings and obvoiusly deriving orgasmic pleasure from it. now THAT's sexy. if i had to jump the bones of either one of you right now, you can bet i'd choose her. and you wonder why the irish are multiplying like rabbits and taking over the world?

i just realised i may think the way i do cos i'm a guy. and i also realised that some might throw that back in my face after they hear the next arguement. but i'll take my chances and try to defend myself as best i can. here goes...studies show that the average american woman is about 5'6" and weighs about 150 pounds, putting her at about a size 14. you might say statistics don't mean shit, but just LOOK AROUND YOU for chrissakes. if you weed out the anorexics, bulemics, and other assorted freaks, you'd be surprised to learn that the statistics are only, if anything, UNDERestimating the average size. sooo....getting to my point, why can't average-sized women just accept themselves as-is, stop whingeing to their boyfriends about how undesirable their (adorable) rounded-off little bodies are (let US be the judges of what's undesirable, than you very much) and EAT for chrissakes! and i mean REALLY eat...without drawing caloric-intake charts on their napkins.

in the same vein (and my girlfriend pointed this out to me, as well as some of my girl friends, so i take no responsibility for noticing this) why, DESPITE the average size of women in this country, is it so hard to find anything over a size 8/10 in certain shops (banana republic? guess?) please, if the buyers from any shop this applies to are reading this, for the love of CHRIST (and the sanity of all who must constantly hear NORMAL SIZE girls bitching and whining) stock some 12-16's. this double standard thing is losing y'all business.(and there IS a double standard. you think just cos i'm the male equivalent of ally mcbeal i didn't notice...i got guy friends with beer bellies from here to hell that can dress themselves from these SAME places with no problem, but the girls can't unless they look like twiggy? odd...odd to say the LEAST)

ahem...yeah...so that's about it...so go on and get outta here, eh..?

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